Today, like every day, I woke up and there was light. This morning is particularly bright and crisp. From the window I can see dew on the grass and the last standing vegetables in the garden. Our local groundhog has been feasting on our winter crops this past week but I can see that the kale has regrown and looks fresh, bright and vital once again.

I’m awe struck by the constancy of Nature, as well as its continual renewal. Every day the sun comes up and when it sets, the moon and stars grace the sky. Every day roots grow, rain flows and winds carry seeds. No matter if I’ve been loving or unloving, full of pain or joy, wrapped up in my own story or wide open to the world, there are amazingly wonderful works going on around me and inside of me in every second.

When I can see this gift and appreciate it, I feel such hope and faith. I can rest here and know that I am part of a living community. I can remember that my true nature is the same as Nature’s ~ repetitious and upward. Nature’s energy moves in pulsation and vibration and so does mine. Yes, I am part of something so utterly magnificent and brilliant that I know without a doubt that I only understand a small fraction of this mystery.

Yes, I falter and stumble. Some times I am not kind. I forget. I don’t always do the ‘right thing’. I’m impatient and narcissistic. And yet I can always be reminded by nature’s example that these states pass, the light returns and there is renewal.

It’s during these most tender sacred moments when I hear the sigh of the sun, the moon, the earth and the wind calling out to me in their merciful voices saying “and still… I return to you.”

Life is such a miracle, such a gift.

“And still, I return to you.” ~ I hear the whisper of the voice beyond.

I rest here.
Come join me.

If it feels right, bring this return into your heart and remember that the sun will rise tomorrow, the birds will sing, the clouds will roll by and the breeze will gently pass you.  You are a vital part of this community no matter what you say, do or think.

Take refuge in Living Nature my dear friends. I’ll meet you there ~

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

Sometimes I forget. I forget to go outside and absorb healing from the earth. As much as I connect there and know deeply in my heart the benefits of being outside, when I get extremely ill, I retreat and don’t go out.

Today, after a few days of being indoors, I remembered to go out.

This is why I need to always remember to go outside ~

I walked up the hill and spotted the grove of buckeye trees where I often retreat. They create a sacred protected magical circle that feels in my heart like a familiar sisterhood.

My first lesson was from the bull thistle. Approaching the grove of chestnuts I ran into a thistle in seed. My jeans were covered with spines that poked my skin. “Pay attention!” they called.

As I sat in the middle of the grove I knew that I would be supported in a mythical journey today. I needed it because my body was in distress and emotionally, I felt off balance. I had offered up a prayer as I left the house.

I sat down and noticed the yarrow plant beside me. I heard it say, “We have all been broken. We are all bleeding. We are all wounded warriors. I can help.”

On the other side of me was burdock and then as I looked around I noticed it was everywhere. Last year, mullein grew under the trees but this year there are just a few. I know that burdock root is valued and much needed in my body ~ it’s strong oily roots are nourishing. I remembered to call on her for healing and strength. She was cooking on my stove in bone broth soup as I sat there in the grove.

Then I heard coyotes in the woods! I rarely hear them during the day but their cry was distinct and couldn’t be misinterpreted. “You are wild. You are free!”

As they finished their song, two hawks overhead cried out and echoed “Yes!” then many birds from the forest came to the edge and started to sing. I felt the confirmation and it sent shivers through my body.

My beloved dog, Tulsi, came and laid by my side as the song came to a stop. She looked at me and closed her eyes, “Be still Momma. Be still.”

The buckeye root that I was sitting on agreed with her. “Calm your thoughts.” I often use white chestnut (horse chestnut, a relative of my buckeyes) flower essence for help with my racing mind.

I looked up the hill and saw that the sunlight was hitting the hawthorn tree in such a way that it glistened as if it was covered in magic fairy dust. She assured me, “I will heal your heart.”

The sun then hit my face and in it’s warmth I remembered ~ “We are all light.”

The magic continued as a bee landed on my hand. My focus went to my work. How best can I serve I asked? She answered, “Yes.” I was confused and another landed on my finger. I asked again and the answer was “By doing what you are doing of course: Be you!”

I noticed a chicory plant with one lone flower on the top sitting next to one of the buckeye trees. Ah, yes, mother love. Mother devotion. Not heavy and controlling. Mothering for all with true freedom and deep respect.

There was a light breeze and it blew through the plants and trees softly. And then an orchestra of birds began. So many different songs all converging and making such beautiful music. The insects joined in and it became so loud that everything else paled in comparison.

I closed my eyes and let Living Nature heal me, deep down in my soul… in my belly…. in my heart.

Meditation can be so forced at times. I love it when stillness and silence naturally arises… along with a softening, a tenderness… and a vibrancy. Yes, this is when I feel the palpable presence of Living Nature and realize I am an integral part of Her.

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

Last week I went to the doctor for my annual check-up and ended up mentioning a few things going on with my body.  A few hours later, I was leaving the office with orders for x-rays and other testing. Because I was so taken aback, I thought I’d share a few things that I wish I would have done to be more prepared. Mostly, this is a note to myself so I’ll remember all of these things through these next months of other appointments!

I hope it’s helpful not only to any of you that are facing a serious illness but also to those of you who  support and caretake others. I suppose that at one time or another that includes most all of us.

1) Always wear comfortable clothing ~ things that are easy to get off and on but also clothes that make you feel good. Wear ‘comfort’ clothes that feed your soul but also make you feel healthy. For me, that would be my favorite jeans and large flannel shirt.

2) Bring a pen and pad of paper for taking notes and to jot down questions as they arise.  (And write down questions beforehand that you have concerning the visit!)  Don’t write your notes on the back of referral pages like I did.  They get turned into the next doctor and are gone.

3) Be sure to bring water and a nutritious healthy snack for after the appointment before you head home.  Drink plenty to flush out toxins as well to keep hydrated and think clearly.  Consider taking cashews which are not only delicious but are also a great source of protein and aid depression as compared to a baked good or chips.  Feed your body and your soul.

4) Have some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy on hand.  You can put drops in your water to drink before, during and after the appointment or you can use the cream form and rub it on your temples and wrists.  This flower essence remedy is a mixture of five essences specifically for stressful situations.  It contains Star of Bethlehem, which is for shock.

5) There are acupressure points on both of your wrists.  It’s about three finger widths up from where your hand connects to your wrist.  If you massage that point, it will help you focus and it will also give you strength.

6) If at all possible, have a trusted someone go with you so they can hear what the doctors are saying in case you can’t process all the information they are telling you.  It’s also nice to have someone for emotional support, should something arise.

7) If you haven’t taken someone with you to the appointment, make sure to have a friend or family member on call so that you can check in with them before you head home.  It helps to run through what was said at the appointment as well as to have emotional support.  They may remember what you told them right after the appointment better than you.   If possible and necessary, it may be useful to have the doctor repeat something important to them over the phone during the session.  They may have different, valuable questions about the issue.

8) After the appointment, drive carefully. If you are upset and need to pull over, please do.  Take your time and be safe.

9) Notice your feelings and hold them tenderly in your awareness.  Allow them and embrace them.  There is no right or wrong here.  The immediacy of attending to the present moment offers its’ peace and wisdom.

10) When you get home, be sure to rest and continue to drink plenty of water as well as to have a healthy meal.  Write down any questions as they arise for follow-up with the doctor and record your emotional and spiritual journey not only for yourself but to aid others that may some day face the challenges that you now face.

11) Be especially tender and gentle with yourself in the next few days as everything settles in.  Depending on what type of appointment you have had you may be facing more tests to zero in on a diagnosis, you may have received a diagnosis that has an easy manageable plan or you may have received an unwanted diagnosis that brings with it much fear, grief and shock.  No matter what stage you are in within the process, allow yourself the luxury of immense compassionate self-care.

More posts to come as I proceed through these next few months of more testing. I hope to honestly share with you my experience and any insights that may be helpful to you or your loved ones.

We are the mirror as well as the face in it.

We are tasting the taste this minute

Of eternity. We are pain

And what cures pain, both. We are

The sweet, cold water, and the jar that pours.
~ Rumi

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

We shared a meal with friends and family in the Chapel Hill area and I am reminded of the value in the simplicity of connection with good friends. Nothing is comparable to the luxury of the smile from a familiar soul especially when you are not feeling well and need companionship. I believe friendship ~ the familiar touches, looks and words is an often overlooked part of weathering a storm.

I’ve known this couple for nearly 15 years and have gone through so much of life beside them – birth, death, marriages, hospitalizations, simple shared meals, walks in the woods and travel – including getting lost! I doubt that there is much that my friend and I don’t know about each other. To me, this kind of shared intimacy is the heart of living.

I know there is a great truth in being in the present moment and yet, I know that when I have a history with people and places I connect throughout all time and space. This is a grace ~ a great gift of our consciousness. It’s the difference between going into the forest for the first time to explore and walking the same path behind my house every day aware of the plants, insects and animals that cohabit this mountainside with me to create a great play of life together. Each is beautiful. And yet, when I’m not feeling well, the steadfast enduring friendships offer the most meaningful interchanges.

Perhaps you would like to reach out to a dear friend today?

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

I need to remember that everything I’m looking for in my life is right here inside of me and inside of my relationships with others ~ including the forest behind my house.

Thinking back it’s almost as if, for most my life, I was a dog chasing my own tail. I was searching. I was self righteous about the ‘proper’ way through life. I was looking for peace by doing intricate spiritual practices. I was even using mindfulness as a way to avoid feeling at times. My constant ‘spiritual’ busy-ness blunted the pain of being alive ~ the sadness, anger and deep grief.

At one point, I came to a breaking point. It crept up on me through the years ~ like how the forest takes over a field, little by little. But I couldn’t hold back the wild any longer.

I had perceived what was coming into my well-intentioned clear-cut ordered field as weeds: something that needed to be destroyed so I could live. But I was wrong: everything that came into my field was a gift. Every emotion that I had held at bay was my medicine.

When I stopped the chase I found Spirit rising in me in ways that I never expected. In some ways, you could say that I allowed the forest itself. I allowed it all and honored it by learning from it. Anger is passion. Sadness is mercy. Grief is truth.

I wish for you, my friend, the peace that comes from accepting all that comes to you and finding the medicinal properties of all your emotions in your embodied presence.

Come home to yourself.

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

Qi gong is integral to my life.

Qi is the invisible vital force, the energy, which gives us life. Qi Gong is the practice of building that force within our bodies through simple conscience movements and breath. For me, it is like moving prayer. Qi moves in vibration and in pulsation. Tapping into the energy (qi) of Living Nature nourishes and accentuates the energy (qi) in our bodies.

In my own life, qi gong was one part of the synergistic matrix that helped me to recover from long-term Lyme disease. I began practicing over thirty years ago and, truthfully, through time I would start and stop my practice. As I began to recover from my illness and started practicing qi gong every day, my road to wellness sped up.

Qi gong promotes our health ~ mind, body and spirit. As we enter into the sacred realms of living consciously it connects us deeply with the world around us both in real time and in our understanding of how the energy of nature is constantly sustaining us and giving us gifts. It is the ultimate practice of receiving and giving.

This ancient practice mimics the movement of the five elements; air, water, metal, fire and earth. They correlate to our internal organs as well as the physical features of nature. Each one is bound to a specific emotion. By working with the natural flow of these systems the qi magnifies and sustains us.

Harry and I practice qi gong together nearly every day. We hope that our lives are healthier, longer and more vibrant from the exercise. And we know from experience that the act of doing them together enhances both our relationship and the practice itself.

You can begin qi gong by doing a very simple exercise: shaking. The simple act of standing and kind of jumping up and down very gently and loosely helps the energy in your body to start moving. My teacher said that ‘shaking’ every day for 15 minutes is the perfect qi gong exercise for any of us and it would be particularly helpful to anyone with health issues. Gently, sweetly moving up and down, letting the negative energy enter the ground and the positive to recirculate throughout the body. Add some nice music and it’s actually really fun! Want to give it a try?!!

For more information about my services, click here.

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

Sometimes when I walk in the woods, it’s as if the whole world opens up to greet me. Today, I crossed the barbwire fence to enter the forest above my house and made a prayer to the plants that I wanted to collect to make into flower essences. As soon as I did, I saw a set of three rocks that looked like a staircase waiting for me. When I got to the top, there was another stepping stone to cross a little creek. On the other side, the light came through the trees and made a path visible so that I wouldn’t step on any of the little plants peaking through the leaves. There were thousands of spring beauties for me to collect for my essences but I collected them carefully and made an offering when I finished.

I started on again but nothing was quite clear enough to make a distinct next step. I started anyway and then a huge wind came whipping up and I stopped, realizing that I had either gone the wrong way or I had missed something. I looked down right beside where I stopped and there were three of the first blooms of hepatica for the season. As soon as I spotted them, the wind calmed. Beside them was some bloodroot. I took their pictures and went on.

This time the path was clear: it was as if the plants had left just enough room for me to walk without stepping on any of them. They led me straight to a tree with a very unusual base that had one single spring beauty beside a rock. It was a beautiful display of God’s perfect garden.

I sat beside the tree and prayed. My dog came next to me and sighed out in peacefulness. In the calm, I could hear the voices of nature crying for all of us who fail to see the beauty that is around us and fail to trust that all is provided for us on this earth if we leave it in its original form, live simply, share and are kind to each other. Nature’s cry was very loud and the winds picked up again almost sending a shiver through me. We sobbed and shuddered together.

My prayer for this world is that we slow down enough to listen to our inner promptings while also paying attention to our surroundings and having great respect for everything on this great earth. When we do, we are not only shown the way, the path actually opens for us.

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

Abundance is the ‘in’ word these days. Everywhere you go, you’ll see long articles about how to create it and bring it in to your life but I believe we are missing something: we don’t need to create abundance ~ we need to acknowledge the abundance that is already present in our lives.

We are very rich indeed. No matter how much money you have in your bank account, you’ve got millions of cells working together in your body along with miles of veins that bring blood to your heart. Your heart works unceasingly. Your breath is constant and needs no attention from you to support your life. You may also have legs that afford you the possibility of walking, running, dancing and swimming. Perhaps you have arms and hands that gift you with the ability to do millions of things. You may even have eyes and ears, a tongue with taste buds as well as a nose that all work together and separately to bring you an infinite amount of tactile sensations. And your largest organ, your skin allows you to feel this whole world and be in constant interaction with it at all times.

And here we are in this body with a plethora of emotions that brighten the rainbow of our existence. We feel a range so vast and complete that there are not even adequate words to express the possibilities.

Beyond this personal existence, we are planted here on the earth with an infinity of plants, trees, rocks, birds and animals as well as all of the elements of fire, water, air, earth and metal. They are all here stewarding us, feeding us, sustaining us, giving us medicines for our bodies and our souls.

We are standing in the middle of paradise asking for abundance and yet we don’t even see that we already have it! We are already millionaires!!! We are all billionaires!!!

Instead of looking for the next thing for you to create or do to fulfill yourself, allow yourself to be filled up by receiving the infinite gifts that surround you in every moment. Take the next five minutes to sit in silence just being aware of the miracle of you! Take the next hour to look around you at all the gifts that surround you and acknowledge them all!

Listen! Open up your ears! Look around you! See! Feel everything!! Experience it all!

Give thanks!! And yes, please give thanks! The heaven that you are waiting for arrives in every moment if you chose it. The abundance you are seeking has already arrived! You are alive! It’s all path! It’s all love!

Receive it!! And give thanks!

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

I love to notice how nature responds to our ponderings and lately, I’ve been pondering my death.

Five days ago we found the remains of a deer killed by coyotes at the foot of the mountain behind our house.  It was a fresh kill on top of fresh snow – guts spread out everywhere, the rib cage exposed and empty, almost all the muscle had been consumed and most all of its skin was torn off its one side.

Seeing this natural wonder deeply affected me.  It was the first I time have seen such ravage – just an hour or two after the coyotes had their feast. The hawks had already joined in as well.

We thought the neighbor had removed the carcass and we wanted to avoid it on our hikes so our dogs would not pick at it too, but yesterday, we found the remains further up the mountain: a full skull connected to its spine all the way to one leg.  There was only a bit of skin left around its hoof.

Even though I’ve done hospice volunteering and been with many as they have died… and even though I lived in Alaska and I am now in the mountains of North Carolina and am at least a bit ‘wild’, this incident showed me something that I haven’t witnessed quite in this way ~ the natural process of the life force moving between us in a very immediate intimate way.

It is such a stark contrast to our human experience these days ~ except, perhaps when a woman gives birth.  We shield ourselves from blood and guts in our every day existence and yet we watch it again and again on the media, TV and movies so we are viewing and interacting with pseudo processes instead of with life itself.

As strange as it seems, there was comfort in finding the carcass and a few days later only it’s straight skeletal remains.  It touched something raw and real and it humbled me.

I’ve been reading a lot of Stephen Jenkinson’s work and am deeply touched by his honesty and outspokenness on death. He gives me courage to express my concerns and deep grief. If you are interested, you may want to watch his film “Griefwalker” or read his newest book “Die Wise”.

“Drink enough of the sweet, strong mead of grief and love for being alive

and it isn’t long before you’re sending a trembling, life-soaked greeting out

to everything that came before you and to everything that will follow,

a kind of love letter to the Big Story.”

~ Stephen Jenkinson

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.

When we enter the woods, we enter sacred territory. Nature is alive.  Its’ presence is palpable and yet we only glimpse a small part of it’s mystery until we draw closer.  Here, we begin to find meaning and patterns in nature’s relationships and cycles. Here, we find infinite worlds inside the energy of creation.  Here, we are struck by awe and reverence for life itself.

Nature is a mirror for our own soul.  It gives us messages of rightful living and relationship. It shows us qualities of generosity, equanimity, balance, harmony and peace.  It shows us that even destruction bears gifts.

If we dig deep and examine the intricacies of nature’s miracles we begin to realize that we are never alone – that we are constantly supported by billions of living particles of grace and love.

Traveling this sacred path is a new paradigm in the western world and yet it is as old as time itself.

Become united with the beauty you see and receive it unto yourself and then, once again, give yourself back to it.  You are the sun, the moon, the ocean ~

~Interbeing~
The Sun has entered me.
The Sun has entered me together with the cloud and the river.
I myself have entered the Sun with the cloud and the river.
There has not been a moment when we do not interpenetrate.
But before the Sun entered me, the Sun was in me –
also the cloud and the river.
Before I entered the river, I was already in it.
There has not been a moment when we have not inter-been.
Therefore you know that as long as you continue to breathe,
I continue to be in you.

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

Spiritual mentor Deb Vail will often become ecstatic over her dog, a simple flower, violin music or a southern Appalachian handcraft. Communing with a subtly boisterous forest brings her joy difficult to contain. Deb, the founder of Sacred Living, has created a service for those with serious illness to find comfort, ease and bit of wonderment.